Dear Mr. President Elect,

It has come to our attention, thanks to the national media and your own recent press conference in Chicago, that you and your family are seeking to adopt a pet to join you in the White House when you take up residence in January. While your stated intention to adopt a shelter dog is certainly laudable, we understand that this causes some difficulties due to your daughter’s allergies. We feel in a position to offer a unique solution to this quandry: adopting a froglet.

Froglets are small, orange amphibians living on the Clanger planet. Their two natural habitats are a TARDIS-like top hat and a vertical mud puddle some distance below the surface of the planet. Clangers themselves are friendly, clever pink aliens who – if history is a reliable indicator – would most likely welcome a long-distance relationship with a harmonious earth government.

The froglet diet consists of blue and white pudding soup, which is obtainable from the soup dragon on the Clanger planet (if you ask nicely), and which can also double as a convenient jumper on cold winter days. This will be of particular value in the Obama White House, as we are sure you are planning on implementing an economically responsible and energy-efficient policy.

While you have only thus far indicated an interest in a single pet, the froglets seem happiest in triads. While they have a disconcerting habit of appearing and disappearing without vocal announcement, they are otherwise quite unobtrusive – once one becomes accustomed to their habit of bouncing when showing extreme emotions such as pleasure and discontent. Their presence would, we feel, be a comfort to your daughters during this period of transition and also serve as reminder to the White House staff and all officials you meet with of the need to maintain a sense of humor even during times of extreme stress.

Sincerely,

Hanna & Anna