I was informed by the Internet that today is Bi Invisibility Day 2014.
So here I am. Being bi. And visible.
Like I am most days. Showering in a bisexual manner. Brushing my bisexual teeth. Biking to work bisexually. Bisexually offering reference assistance to researchers. Lunching on bisexually-approved pizza. Picking up my bisexual wife after work so we can indulge in public displays of bisexual affection.
This is what a bisexual looks like.
July 2014
Though of course most people don’t know I’m being bisexually visible. People who see me on the street unaccompanied probably assume I’m straight (unless I’m on a street in JP, in which case they probably assume I’m a dyke). With Hanna, they probably assume I’m a lesbian. Because as a culture we read people according to the gender of their partners, and we humans with our funny little categories have a rough time understanding folks whose desires don’t map neatly onto the binary system of gender we’ve invented for ourselves.
I don’t really care, most days, who people think I fuck.
But here’s the thing: Because of biphobia I spent the first 27 years of my life thinking I wasn’t queer enough. Because I liked dudes as well as dykes, and people of all shapes, sizes, and self-presentations were equally likely to make my squishy bits a bit more squishy.
This is what a bisexual looks like.
(While also believing she isn’t bisexual enough for it to count.)
July 2007
I wish I could tell my twelve-year-old self, fifteen-year-old self, seventeen-year-old self, twenty-one-year-old self, twenty-six-year-old self to stop worrying so much about how much wanting constituted enough to claim labels. I wish someone had told me to trust my desires, my hunches, my gut.
Visibility is about politics; the politics of having language to speak of your own desires and the right to claim those desires in public. Most days, I don’t give a damn how other people interpret the kiss I give my wife, the m/m erotica we discuss over coffee, the ring on my finger, the men in my past.
But on bi visibility I want y’all to be darn sure you know “bisexual” is a word I lay claim to. The simplest, most universally-recognized word to describe the landscape of my desires past, present, and future.
This is what a bisexual looks like.
(Maybe knitting rainbow socks on a lesbian land trust will make me enough.)
June 2005
For all the twelve, fifteen, seventeen, twenty-one, twenty-six year olds out there wondering if they’re enough: My answer to you is that you are. Pay heed to your own desires; don’t let people who don’t believe in unicorns tell you that you’ve no right to exist.
You do. We do.
It’s a wild country. Leave your prejudices at the door.
The ‘bisexual teeth’ line almost made me laugh a drink of water all over my laptop. Glad to see you’re doing well – keep enjoying the BSA-pizza!
LikeLike
Glad to have given you a laugh 🙂 … are you off to Mount Vernon these days?
LikeLike
Yup! I’ve been here since the beginning or September and will stick around until the end of November. I’m finally seeing what a real fall is like – I may just stay! Is all well up in Boston?
LikeLike
I’ve always thought autumn was Boston’s best season — it’s lovely to be outside and we’re finally fully unpacked in our new apartment and getting a sense of how it works for us in colder weather.
The MHS has quieted down considerably from the busy summer — only a couple of fellows in regularly right now, though student groups are visiting more regularly as they get started on their semester’s research.
If you see Neal Milliken (former Adams Papers’ editor) give her my best!
LikeLike
Sadly, I think being bisexual just gets more awkward as I get older. And I don’t think it’s because of any internalized shame or such. People seem to imagine that bisexual is the never-ending pasta bar of sexuality. When, at least for me, bisexual is simply the absence of a gender preferences, and I have plenty of preferences they just aren’t about gender. But it’s hard to fit that orientation into a series of longterm relationships with either a man or a woman. Now that I’m considering dating again after spending 10 years with one woman, it seems like it will be hard to present myself in a way that people can understand.
LikeLike