• anna j. clutterbuck-cook
  • contact
  • curriculum vitae
  • find me elsewhere
  • marilyn ross memorial book prize

the feminist librarian

the feminist librarian

Category Archives: our family

on chatham beach [honeymoon, installment four]

24 Saturday Nov 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

cape cod, outdoors, photos, travel, wedding

On Thursday of our honeymoon week, we were going to stay in — but the weather was so beautiful that we ended up driving about half an hour to the seaside town of Chatham, southwest of the cottage where we were staying. From the center of town we walked out to the public beach.

The tide was coming in and the waves were beautiful.

I would love, someday, to be able to live within hearing distance of the surf.

It’s perhaps a mark of too much exposure to bohemian literature that the fantasy of living out our retirement as a couple of dykes (and a bevy of cats) on a wind-swept coast would be a fine thing.

Or perhaps it’s just the Michigander in me.

Stay tuned for our one-week anniversary trip to Provincetown!

wellfleet [honeymoon, installment three]

19 Monday Nov 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

cape cod, photos, travel, wedding

After spending Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday in the lower Cape, we decided to explore the upper Cape the latter half of our week. We started in Wellfleet, which promised us a bookshop to browse in and beaches to stroll on.

It’s surprisingly difficult to get to the shore from here in Boston, particularly since we don’t own a car. So it was a treat to walk on some actual sand again (something I used to do almost weekly back in Michigan).

I basically wanted to relocate to every cottage we passed on the Cape, particularly the weather beaten ones.

Walking along the boardwalk at the marina, we were tickled to see this boat (named in reference to the X-Files perhaps?). And along the main street in town we saw this plaque, which made us wonder whether John and Rodney had decided to relocate from Nantucket.

Along the main drag, we also saw this beautiful church doorway.

On our way back from Wellfleet, we stopped at Kemp Pottery, and found this inexplicable series of tiles:

One of the potters was at work in the studio working on a series of amphoras to be given as awards for a local sports hall of fame. Here, you can see runners and bikers on the unfinished pieces (yes, the figures have tiny dicks):

We ended up splurging a little on two plates — not the official wedding plates Kemp Pottery makes, but which we think of as our wedding plates all the same.

When we got home after our honeymoon, we had our last two pieces of wedding cake (delicious chocolate cake given to us by my colleagues at the MHS) on our new wedding plates.

Up next … another afternoon of beach walking in Chatham …

thoughts on traveling while gay-married

13 Tuesday Nov 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

gender and sexuality, politics, travel, wedding

Hanna and I were in Montreal this weekend, at the North American Conference on British Studies. Well, Hanna was at the conference and I went along as the spouse. I spent the hours Hanna was in session writing an epic piece of fan fiction I’m working on (yes, this is what I do on vacation) and the hours she was free we spent wandering around the city. I’d never been to Montreal, and do hope to return there at some point when we have more free time (and more hours of daylight!).

Cathedral-Marie-Reine-du-Monde (via)

But what I actually want to write about today is less our visit to Montreal and more the fact that taking this international trip together so soon after the election, with marriage equality and gay rights all over the news, made me acutely aware of the fact that our marriage is still second-class when it comes to legal recognition. We’re married in the state of Massachusetts, and treated as such within its borders (for example, when I picked up the rental car at the Enterprise office they told me kindly I no longer needed to present Hanna’s license in order to add her as an authorized driver; spouses are automatically covered). But it’s actually just good luck that driving through Massachusetts, Vermont, and into Quebec, that we remained, for our entire trip, on soil where our marriage is valid.

Post-election marriage equality map;
click through to Sociological Images for high-res version

While this wasn’t of immediate material concern to us, crossing the U.S. – Canadian border, the U.S. border patrol considers us two individual unrelated citizens, rather than a family unit.

When we drove up to Maine for our post-wedding brunch with Hanna’s parents in October, our marriage ceased to be recognized by the jurisdiction we were in for the duration of our stay; thanks to Maine voters this will not be the case when we go up for our annual Christmas visit. When we fly to Oregon to visit my brother and sister-in-law next year, we’ll be in a state where we’d only have the option of a civil union; the next time we visit my home state of Michigan, where there’s a Defense of Marriage Act in place, I’ll be in a geo-political location where people have actively rejected my status as a married person.
This actually matters to me way more than I thought it would, the way the legal status of my marriage is so permeable. Obviously, the promises that Hanna and I have made to one another do not cease at the state or national border. And as more and more queer folk marry same-sex partners, our relationships will gain cultural legibility even in places where DOMA laws are still on the books, or gay marriage isn’t technically legal. I imagine that when I introduce Hanna as my wife when we’re in California next fall for a friend’s wedding our status as a married couple will be taken as read.
But looking at this map, as a gay-married person, I suddenly realize that until the legal-political landscape for marriage rights change, Hanna and I are basically limited to living in eight states in our fifty-state union (or moving abroad). 
While we have no plans to leave Massachusetts before the decade is out, it’s still a sobering realization, and one that I didn’t feel the full import of back before we’d tied the knot. It’s one thing to live in a state with a gay marriage ban or civil unions when you’re just considering getting married. You weigh your options, maybe decide to travel somewhere like Vermont or Iowa or (now) Washington and make it legal, throw a party, configure yourself and your wife as rebellious upstarts, the advance guard of the gay-married revolution. 
(At least, I could totally see myself getting a kick out of that, had we met and decided to live in, say, Ann Arbor, Michigan.) 
But now, as an already-married lesbian it feels way more hostile to walk into spaces where there are folks actively choosing not to recognize and honor my relationship choices and commitments. Instead of those people saying, “No, you can’t, we won’t let you,” it feels like they’re saying “You have, but we don’t care.“
And I think that feels worse because it feels like even when you do things by the book it doesn’t matter, you’ll get dismissed anyway. I know this isn’t true, rationally. That state-by-state recognition is a powerful symbolic and material gain, as is every single individual instance of person-to-person recognition (from our parents to the woman at Enterprise who rented me the car), as is the sea-change of public opinion which we appear to be witnessing. But in the moment, there’s a part of me that finds it really, really scary to acknowledge that regardless of all intimate personal commitments and acts, we are at the end of the day beholden to the government and to the opinions of our fellow citizens for equal recognition, and if they were to decide we weren’t married, they have the power to (legally) erase our formal entanglements and there’s nothing we could do about it.
Which is why I feel newfound gratitude toward all of the folks who have made this their issue du jour as organizers. It’s only one small corner of the queer rights universe, but just because it’s gone “mainstream” doesn’t mean it’s ceased to matter.

falmouth and woods hole [honeymoon, installment two]

04 Sunday Nov 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cape cod, photos, travel, wedding

On our honeymoon, Hanna and I had a whole week on Cape Cod to explore. A native Michigander, I had never been out to the Cape at all and Hanna had only been once, years ago, and then only to Provincetown (more on there later). We didn’t make any hard-and-fast plans about our week of activities, and instead set out to explore.

On Monday we drove back up the Cape to Falmouth and began our day with breakfast at Pop Kitchen, which served up eggs benedict and omelettes and bottomless coffee.

Hanna & her coffee (used with permission)

The decor was bright and the food tasty; the only thing to mar the meal was the jerk the next table over on vacation from North Carolina who harassed his waitress and wouldn’t stop gabbing on the phone about how much everything sucked. Proof, I suppose of what we already know: rude people exist pretty much everywhere.

After breakfast, we walked out to Wood’s Hole, where the ferries leave for Nantucket and Martha’s Vineyard. It was a beautiful eight-mile round trip walk along the Shining Sea Bikeway.

One of the first buildings we came to in Wood’s Hole was the local NPR affiliate, WCAI, operating out of this home-like building. Between that and the tasty coffee shops, we felt quite at home!

When we got back to Falmouth we went in search of a salon that would do gel manicures — something Hanna had requested as a treat during our vacation.

The salon we found, Bellezza, didn’t have two back-to-back appointments until the following day (which was also forecast to be rainy) so we returned on Tuesday for ice cream and some pampering.

I had never had a manicure before and it was a very odd experience, but the woman who did our nails was very chatty and a fellow cat person, so we mostly talked about the inexplicable activities of our respective feline companions.

The gel manicures were awesome (speaking as someone who always nicks my polish) though expensive; I can’t imagine people who have enough money to make this a regular thing. But it was still fun to have bright color for a couple of weeks.

When we got back to Eastham in the late afternoon, the rose bush on the south side of the cottage had decided to greet us with a few autumn blooms.

Up next: Wellfleet, then Provincetown!

And yes, I do have a few posts of substance rattling around in the back of my mind — one on work, class, financial (in)security, and responsibility, particularly, but I’ve been trying to write it since I was promoted in August and it still hasn’t sorted itself out. So you’re getting pretty pictures instead! I hope you enjoy them.

cranberry cottages [honeymoon, installment one]

25 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

cape cod, photos, travel, wedding

For our honeymoon on the Cape, we chose to stay in a cottage colony just north of Orleans called Cranberry Cottages; we were in a little studio cottage called “The Honeymooner,” though we didn’t realize that until after we’d arrived!

At the “elbow” of the Cape, the Orleans-Eastham area is a great spot — if you have a car — to explore up and down the Cape. With a week to poke around, we picked a different destination almost every day and took in what there was to see (and taste!).

On our first morning we walked out from our cabin to the rail trail that took us directly into Orleans on foot, where we breakfasted at The Hole in One donut shop and restaurant. Breakfast was so tasty that we decided to take our donuts to go, and have them as a mid-afternoon snack!

What’s a honeymoon / vacation for if not for sitting in Adirondack chairs drinking coffee, eating donuts, and catching up on one’s leisure reading?

For dinner, we found a great restaurant called the Box Office Cafe that offered a wide variety of unique movie-themed pizza. We got the Beetle Juice pizza that featured (vegan) chicken, blueberries, and BBQ sauce. Hanna was skeptical, but I persuaded her and we enjoyed it so much we bought it twice more before the week was out!

Next up … our two days in Falmouth (one outdoorsy, one pamperingly girly).

*In the event that folks have noticed, I’m the only person depicted in these photographs not because Hanna decided not to come along on our honeymoon but because she doesn’t like to share pictures of herself with the world, online or off.

coffee and sunshine [wedding day, installment three]

23 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

boston, food, photos, wedding

Our wedding morning dawned cool and clear, and we began as we do most Friday mornings, by walking out through Coolidge Corner and down Beacon street to Tatte cafe.

We are so thankful to Tzurit and everyone on the staff at Tatte for welcoming us for our wedding morning!

We had decided that we really wanted our marriage vows to be woven into the fabric of our daily life here in Boston, and at least once a week Hanna and I are able to have breakfast at Tatte before work.

What we like to order is the Brioche Breakfast (we’re particularly fond of the pear marmalade!) and espresso – so that’s what Tzurit and her staff prepared as a wedding feast.

I guess we really wanted all that!

Halfway through breakfast I remembered we had promised to call my folks once it was all official – and I’d forgotten my cell phone at home! Thankfully, our friend M. came to the rescue with her iPhone (which I could use while drinking my latte).

After sending everyone off well-fed to their various destinations of the day, Hanna and I made our way back home via Trader Joe’s where we did our grocery shopping in preparation for the following morning’s departure for Cape Cod.

And then we went home and essentially napped for the rest of the day (getting married turns out to be hard work, even if you keep it small!).

from the neighborhood: hop on pop

20 Saturday Oct 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cat blogging, domesticity, photos

… or rather, sit on kitten?

where is Teazle, you ask?
There she is!
Yes, really, she’s under Gerry. Quite happily it seems.
I guess this answers our question about whether they’ll learn to get on.

Enjoy your weekend!

from the neighborhood: cats being cute [you have been warned]

14 Sunday Oct 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cat blogging, domesticity, photos

It’s a rainy autumn Sunday here in Boston so in order to combat the rainy-day blues we bring you cats being cute!

Teazle is undecided about sitting on shoulders
Human book shopping means paper bags for kittens to play in!
Gerry likes the advent of fleece bathrobe season.
Shortly after Hanna snapped this photograph Teazle tipped
right off the pillows onto the floor. So much for her Princess and
the Pea
imitation!
Gerry has become protective of our little one … 
… or perhaps it’s just long-suffering toleration!

I do have books to blog about and reflections on work and photos from our honeymoon to post — but it’s all been a bit hectic around here, plus Hanna and I are both sick with a tiresome autumn cold, so I haven’t had a lot of time/energy for blogging. I promise more eventually!

Meanwhile, I hope everyone is enjoying October – it’s quite my favorite month of the year.

(And happy anniversary to us; we’ve been married for a month today!)

support black cat rescue! [wedding giving]

06 Saturday Oct 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

being the change, wedding

Geraldine, on her first day at our home (Oct 2009)

I went back and forth about whether to put up a shout-out for this fundraiser on my blog – but what’s a fundraiser for if you don’t, you know, raise funds for the charity in question?

As I shared in my wedding planning posts, in lieu of a gift registry Hanna and I decided to ask people to donate to Black Cat Rescue, the amazing foster organization that took Geraldine and her kittens in off the street and made it possible for us to bring her into our family. She’s been with us three years this weekend, and we hope she’s not too angry at us for adopting her a little kitten-niece in the form of enthusiastic Teazle.

Gerry and Teazle napping
Gerry helps Hanna do yoga

We’ve set up a FirstGiving page to process donations which will go directly to Black Cat Rescue. I hope y’all will at least take a moment to consider giving something small ($1, $5, it’s all good!). They’re good people doing good work on a strictly volunteer basis. The funds we raise will go toward supplies and medical care for the cats they take in.

anatomy of an altar [wedding day, installment two]

02 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

wedding

This weekend, I read Bishop Gene Robinson’s new book God Believes in Love: Straight Talk About Gay Marriage (Knopf, 2012). In it, he tackles many of the common objections to marriage equality for same-sex partners — including many of the objections that are borne of religious belief.

Drawing on his experience officiating at weddings of both other-sex and same-sex couples, Robinson observes that many same-sex couples come to their marriage rites with a heightened sense of intentionality — perhaps because we are asked to do what anthropologists call “cultural work” to justify what we are about to do. Unlike hetero couples who are, in many contexts, assumed to be moving toward marriage “naturally,” same-sex couples have to argue — culturally, religiously, legally — for the ability to do so. And this struggle translates into a particularly deliberative culture of marriage planning.

I don’t know if this generalization is fair (I know plenty of other-sex couples who approach their wedding plans with great thoughtfulness about the ritual and what it means for their lives), but it’s true that although our marriage ceremony was spare we did put planning into what was important for us to bring with us into the space, and how we wanted to symbolize our commitment to one another. In addition to the vows, the wedding rings, the legal certificate, the tattoos, and the readings by friends, we carefully assembled an altar for the table that would bring together the various threads of our individual and shared lives we wanted to evoke.

We gathered together:

1) An altar cloth once woven by my mother, in a pattern she constructed mathematically to represent the music of one of my favorite Pentecost hymns.

2) A pure beeswax candle which we did not end up lighting due to wind (and forgetting the matches!), but we chose beeswax because it’s such a lovely scent and because bees are awesome.

3) Two clay cat statues from a set of three I gave Hanna as a St. Nicholas Day gift several Christmases ago. These, obviously, were for Geraldine and Teazle who could not be there as part of our family to celebrate the day.

4) An eternal knot — the symbol our marriage tattoos were inspired by — which hangs in our bedroom.

5) A soapstone statue of a couple embracing which I found a few years ago at our local Ten Thousand Villages store; I like the Kisii soapstone groupings because they are generally not gender-typed. Perhaps if we’d had a wedding cake, this statue could have been our cake topper!

6) The painting by my sister-in-law Renee which I received as a wedding favor when she and my brother celebrated their marriage in Michigan last summer. This painting stood in for my extended family who are scattered across the country, and for my Michigan roots.

7) A rosewood letter opener carved by my friend Joseph and given to me as a gift many years ago. A gardener and rose breeder, Joseph would have been my pick for best man if, you know, I’d had that sort of wedding.

8) A necklace made by my friend Rachel, who would have been my maid of honor (if: see above).

9) Hanna chose two statues of the Buddha: the first one she ever bought — back when she first started practicing — and the one which my mother gave her last year.

10) As a symbol of the self she is bringing to our marriage, Hanna included a small painted TARDIS medallion her father once made for her, which we found up in Maine this past summer when we were cleaning out her things from storage. Doctor Who was Hanna’s ur-fandom (along with Star Wars) and as a British show also ties her to her father’s Yorkshire roots.

11) Two origami cranes folded and left with Hanna by her former roommate Diana represented Diana and her fiance Collin who would have been Hanna’s best man and maid of honor (if: see above).

And Tzurit, the manager of Tatte, brought us two vases full of amazingly fragrant stocks to round out our gathering-space.

On the table in the background, you can also see the portfolio in which is the signing document Hanna and I drew up, which contains our vows in written form and our signatures. Following the verbal exchange of vows, we asked all of our witnesses to sign the document — and in the months to come we’ll be sending it around the country to be signed by those who were unable to be present on the day. Once all 23 signatures have been added, we plan to frame the document (like the good archivists we are, we made sure the paper was acid-free and the signing pen archivally-sound!)

← Older posts
Newer posts →
"the past is a wild party; check your preconceptions at the door." ~ Emma Donoghue

Recent Posts

  • medical update 11.11.22
  • medical update 6.4.22
  • medical update 1.16.2022
  • medical update 10.13.2021
  • medical update 8.17.2021

Archives

Categories

Creative Commons License

This work by Anna J. Clutterbuck-Cook is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License

Meta

  • Create account
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

  • Subscribe Subscribed
    • the feminist librarian
    • Join 37 other subscribers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • the feminist librarian
    • Subscribe Subscribed
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar