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the feminist librarian

Category Archives: our family

houdini the adorable [video post]

25 Thursday Jul 2013

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

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cat blogging, web video

We’re still on holiday, so here are some one-minute videos of Houdini being adorable.

Our own cat-sitter, a colleague of mine, remarked on Tuesday when we crossed paths at work that Hanna and I don’t actually have two cats: “You have a watch dog and a squirrel!” she said.

I thought the descriptions were apt.

Houdini vs. the Human I (Big Scary Toes)


Houdini vs. the Human II (Big Scary Hand)


Houdini vs. His First Jingle Ball

married naming, nine months later

06 Saturday Jul 2013

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

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doma, family, feminism, married life, wedding

In the months before we got married, Hanna and I decided we were going to combine our middle names upon marriage:

  • Elisabeth + Jane = Elisabethjane
We even had our rings engraved with the word: a design we created ourselves by each writing the others’ “maiden” middle name:
I even wrote a guest blog post about our process for The Last Name Project, which I still think accurately captures our reasoning and the symbolism we saw in taking this approach.
But then some things happened.
First, when we went to fill out the forms at the town hall in Brookline, pursuant to obtaining a marriage license, there was no way to change your middle name upon marriage. The clerk didn’t care. The bureaucracy only cares if you’re going to change your last name(s). Which, practically speaking, means you can only change your last names if you want to change your names without additional cost and seamlessly with the marriage paperwork.
“That’s okay,” I said while we were standing in the office. “We’ll just take care of it later, separately.” 
We were going to have to file for two legal name changes, at $165.00 per person, in Probate and Family Court. With all of the other wedding-related details and expenses, it seemed like a detail we could follow up on later.
Then, on the night before our wedding, Hanna suddenly realized it was important to her that we share a last name. “What if something happens?” She asked, into the dark as we lay in bed talking about it. “How will people know we were ever married? How will they know you belong to me?” 
We had previously discarded the notion of hyphenated last names as unwieldy, though neither of us — historians to the core — wanted to walk away from our family of origin names altogether. So at the eleventh hour, we revisited the hyphen option and have settled on Clutterbuck-Cook as the shared last name we will eventually take.
Eventually being the key word here, since nine months later we’ve yet to file the paperwork and pay the $330 in fees to get it all taken care of. Expense is a barrier, as is the lingering question of whether we’ll move forward with our shared middle name plan, in addition to the last name change, or whether that’s just too extensive for any one person to bear: Anna Elisabeth Jane Clutterbuck-Cook? I mean, it’ll basically never fit on a form. Ever. Again. Not even the forms for effecting the change!
And then DOMA was an excuse for not deciding. “We’ll do it when DOMA falls,” I said, eventually. It seemed like a good way to mark the expansion of marriage equality. And practically it seemed like the sensible thing to do. Why change our names when the federal government would refuse to acknowledge we were legally pledged to one another anyway.
But now DOMA is no more (yay!). Plus, our passports are up for renewal, making a natural time to get everything formalized. 
So I’ve been starting to just kind of play around with this new last name of ours. When I sign up for new accounts online. When I fill in a return address on an envelope. On Twitter. On my blog. Probably soon in the signature line of my work email:
  • Anna E. J. Cook?
  • Anna J. Clutterbuck-Cook?
  • Anna E. Clutterbuck-Cook?
  • Anna E. Cook?
  • Hanna and Anna Cook-Clutterbuck
  • Anna and Hanna Clutterbuck-Cook
Right now I have a handful of variations on this theme rattling around the Internet. Slowly, I think Anna J. Clutterbuck-Cook is winning out, although part of me still wants to add the Elisabeth too. 
I admit, part of the reason I’m reluctant to let go of the intertwined middle names is that it seems like an elegant and egalitarian solution. Everyone we told the middle-name plan to thought it was awesome and radical and why-had-no-one-thought-of-this-before? At the same time, like Hanna, I feel the undeniable pull of social legitimacy — that thing same-sex couples, particularly, are both applauded and shamed for desiring. Like Hanna, I want us to be unmistakably married. And in modern, Western culture sharing a last name or names with one’s spouse is a fairly unmistakable linguistic act: We two, together.

(Or “we three,” perhaps, for some — though not us.)
I don’t think it’s queer, or feminist, failure to want recognition or legibility for who we are. And the society (and legal paperwork) through which our lives are filtered shape our choices. 
If the marriage certificate forms had allowed us to change our middle names, it would be done.
But they didn’t; because that’s not how it’s done.
(That’s not “how it’s done” for straight men, either, in many states. Massachusetts law treats both spouses equally but in many states husbands who change their last names upon marriage incur additional fees or outright refusal.) 
The Internet is strange, too. Do I just grandfather in my Twitter handle? Email address? Even my most widely-used internet handle, annajcook doesn’t acknowledge my marriage linguistically. Do I ditch it and start afresh? It seems untidy, somehow, lacking in efficiency, either way. 
Why can’t everything magically switch over, like when you change your profile picture on Google and suddenly every platform shows the new you?
But on the other hand, I like to think this period of messy uncertainty gives historians of the future a trail of breadcrumbs for us all as we move through the virtual and analog universe: Here we are, tangled together. Somehow. We’re still working out exactly how. 
But one way or another, we’re going to make sure people know it’s We two, together.

photograph by Laura Wulf (2012)

things we’re enjoying [photo post + some words]

04 Thursday Jul 2013

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

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boston, cat blogging, domesticity, holidays

Our 4th of July began with an inexplicably cuddly Geraldine. Going on three years with us this October, she seems to have finally sorted out that we’re companionable creatures.

Our weekend thing this summer has been to enjoy our coffee and brunch in the park two blocks up from our apartment, so we decided to do the same today, even though it’s a Thursday.

Since last summer, a new coffee shop has opened up along our walk to work, in what used to be a travel agency. We’ve discovered they make delicious iced lattes, as well as stocking gluten-free baked goods made by a local teen entrepreneur.

Today, we watched all the neighborhood dogs cavorting and our local rising soccer champ practice his moves while we enjoyed our breakfast in the shade of the mature chestnut trees.

(Bonus sneak-peak at Hanna’s new tattoo!)

I re-dyed my hair earlier this week, and am much pleased with the darker color this time around.

This afternoon, as the temperature climbs into the 90s, we’ll be chilling as much as possible in front of the fans, possibly even with an ice pack or two. Teazle seems to enjoy them too.

I could also do an entire independent post on the theme of Teazle Up On Things, including:

Teazle Up On the Roku

And

Teazle Up On the Fridge

Both of the cats visited the vet last Sunday and have been given a clean bill of health, though we’re currently medicating Geraldine’s right ear for a persistent infection — she doesn’t approve, obviously, but enjoys the cookies that come after.

Now I think it’s time to turn the computer off again and maybe watch some Fringe.

adventures in "allergy-free" eating

28 Tuesday May 2013

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

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domesticity, food

For the past month, Hanna’s been following a diagnostic diet prescribed by her nutritionist in hopes that they’ll be able to identify, without more intrusive testing, the source of some persistent symptoms she’s been having. We suspect gluten, but the diet starts with no assumptions. So we’ve had to temporarily eliminate lactose and legumes and soy as well as certain fruits and vegetables (and we’re already functionally vegetarians, so no meat, poultry, or fish per usual). Worst of all is avoiding chocolate (!). But we’ve been making do — and even making some fun alternate food discoveries.

A few observations.

  • Of the non-dairy “cheese” options available, we’ve enjoyed the almond-based ones over tapioca or rice.
  • Who knew there were so many awesome non-wheat flours? Even if you’re not required by dietary restrictions to use them, you should definitely try spelt, rice, oat, and quinoa flours. Oat flour is particularly tasty for cookies, and quinoa flour gives baked goods a delicious nutty flavor (I’ve 
  • Coconut-based ice cream is very tasty, regardless of whether you need to avoid lactose. Particularly when you live a five-minute bike ride away from FoMu.
  • Likewise, coconut milk makes delicious home-made custard.
  • Omelets make good substantive meals morning, noon, and night! (Even if they turn into egg scramble because you fumble the flipping).
  • Pancakes, particularly Joy the Baker’s cornmeal-molasses cakes, can be easily modified to be “allergy-free”; we substituted maple syrup or sorghum syrup for the molasses and rice flour plus a tablespoon of cornstarch for the all purpose flour. Voila!
  • Most gluten-, soy-, and dairy-free alternatives are more expensive than the more popular ingredients and products. This probably goes without saying, but I think it’s worth highlighting here. Hanna and I are, luckily, in a position to follow this diet without a great deal of inconvenience: We live in a location with multiple Whole Foods and local co-op options for these alternative ingredients. e can switch to buying rice or quinoa flour at $2-plus per pound instead of wheat flour. We can buy more eggs to bolster our protein intake. We can buy maple syrup instead of honey or molasses. We can (occasionally!) buy a loaf of store-made gluten-free bread at $6.99/loaf rather than wheat bread at half that price. When we don’t want to cook after a long day at work, we can order $40.00 worth of vegetarian sushi or Thai food (no wheat or dairy products) instead of a $12 pizza or a burger at McDonald’s. If it turns out we have to dig in and figure out how to let go of one or more class of food for the long haul, we will hopefully find ways to make it more affordable. But in the meantime, we don’t have to worry about penny-pinching. Not everyone with food allergies is so fortunate.
  • Gluten-free cookbooks, magazines, and blogs are prone to preachy-ness. It’s trendy right now to go gluten-free, and while we’re finding it undeniably useful to be able to take advantage of the products, restaurants, and ingredients available because of this … it’s not exactly an inviting atmosphere when you’re not convinced that going gluten-free will solve all your health problems, the world’s political problems, plus make you live forever.
I won’t bore you with the ins and outs of sorting our kitchen out, but I’ll close this post by sharing a recipe for rice salad I invented this week and we quite enjoyed.

IMPROMPTU MAPLE-MUSTARD RICE SALAD

Mix together:
1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
2 persian cucumbers, diced
1 cup English peas
1 large sweet potato, diced, sauteed in olive oil and fresh thyme
1.5 cups cooked rice (we used a wild rice mix)

Toss thoroughly with dressing:
1 part olive oil
1 part maple syrup
1 part dijon mustard
2 parts balsamic vinegar
salt, to taste

Chill overnight to combine flavors.

from the neighborhood: "sunshine and delightful"!

16 Thursday May 2013

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

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cat blogging, domesticity, from the neighborhood, photos

A couple of weeks ago, I bought a rose for Hanna from a woman who sells flowers along the street between work and the T station.

I stopped at the soon-to-be-closing City Housewares store to pick up a jar to keep it in. The clerk I always chat with, when I shop there, suggested that I’d better be ready to tell my wife what I wanted for supper when I brought it home.

Hanna’s actual first response was, “Are you breaking up with me?!”

I think we had pasta salad for supper. ‘Twas very tasty.

The cats were unimpressed (although Teazle later discovered a taste for rose leaves and we had to move the flower to higher ground).
They have been busy enjoying the spring weather, which Accuweather recently informed us was “Sunshine and delightful.”
The cats are making the most out of the “kitty shelf” we constructed from pillows and blankets along the back of the couch.

Although sometimes Teazle loses track of her back end…

We have a friend in town this weekend, so expect light posting for the next ten days or so — I promise I’ll be back on board with The Future of Marriage in due course, and likely more cat photos.

Because I’ve become the crazy lesbian cat lady who will haunt your Internet for evermore …

friday morning cats … and birthday gifts! [photo post]

12 Friday Apr 2013

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

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cat blogging, domesticity, family, photos

I started the week out with a photo post, so I thought I’d round the week out with one as well.

Gerry and Teazle have taken to our new couch set-up with alacrity.

We put a long pillow and blanket along the back of the couch / window sill and they snooze there all the time in the sun (when not stalking birds through the glass!).

Teazle’s latest trick is to scale the scratching post and balance there; on Wednesday she became all entranced by a nature special on PBS featuring wolves … perhaps she is a were-cat?

As you know, it was my 32nd birthday at the end of March, and I am still celebrating as sweet gifts arrive. Look! I have TARDIS socks!

… and my first-ever pair of Doc Martens! (thanks Grandma!)

And from Austin, Texas, a beautiful pair of ceramic earrings from my sister:

Spring is here, and yesterday’s warm weather prompted the dogwoods outside our apartment building to hint at blooms …

I with you all a restorative weekend, wherever you may be.

monday morning cats [photo post]

08 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

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cat blogging, domesticity, photos

It’s gonna be a slow blogging week, folks, since I haven’t had the time recently to queue posts for publication. In the meantime, enjoy gratuitous cat pics (and the spring sunshine!)

Teazle loves to use our bedroom shelves as a jungle gym.

Teazle and Geraldine like to take every opportunity to steal the couch from us when we aren’t looking. Off to the kitchen to make dinner? The couch is ours!

And then, of course, they lull us into submission with their adorable nose-to-nose kitty napping.

Wiley cats.

from the neighborhood: sunning cats & SCOTUS nailpolish

24 Sunday Mar 2013

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

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cat blogging, doma, domesticity, from the neighborhood, fun, marriage equality, photos, scotus junkie

While Hanna was dozing in the bedroom this afternoon, and I was listening to Jeff Chu’s interview on the Diane Rehm Show through their online streaming (have I mentioned how much public radio totally rocks and that we’re proud supporters?), I decided to paint my fingernails in rainbow in anticipation of this coming week’s oral arguments before the Supreme Court on the legality of bans on same-sex marriage.

Like it’s any secret, but I think my nails probably give my position on the matter away.

What with the wedding ring and all.

The cats were unimpressed with my politics and beauty regime, particularly since there was nothing edible in it for them.

They preferred to spend the afternoon sunbathing in our living room.

(Sometimes I suspect Teazle is a slinkie in disguise.)

(And also that one day she will figure out how to reach the hanging plants…)

Hope you all are having a restful weekend — more coming later in the week on queer porn, queer families, sex and relationships, SCOTUS, DOMA, and all the rest!

happiness is a day at home with my wife and a new rainbow umbrella

13 Wednesday Mar 2013

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

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domesticity, from the neighborhood, photos

teazle vs. bedroom shelving [video]

09 Saturday Mar 2013

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in our family

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cat blogging, domesticity, web video

In the past couple of months, Teazle has mastered the art of climbing the shelving in our bedroom in order to snatch the stuffed animals from the very highest shelf. A couple of weeks ago, I had the camera handy when she decided to have a go.

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