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Tag Archives: in our words

me –> writing elsewhere: looking back / looking forward edition

29 Saturday Sep 2012

Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in linkspam

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blogging, harpyness, in our words, links list, the corner of your eye

On the shore (Falmouth, Mass.)

Even though I took much of August and September off from regularly-scheduled blogging, I haven’t done one of these posts since early summer so there’s quite a bit accumulated on the interwebs to direct your attention to.

at the corner of your eye I put up the following reviews:

  • Our Arcadia, a favorite novel by Robin Lippincott | 2012-09-25
  • Just Before August Round-Up: a collective review of Virgins, The Accidental Feminist, The Gay Metropolis, Making Gay History, and Breeders | 2012-07-31
  • America and the Pill, a cultural history of birth control pill | 2012-07-24
  • I Do, I Don’t, an anthology on gay marriage ca. 2004 | 2012-07-17
  • Transitions of the Heart, an anthology by mothers of trans kids | 2012-07-10
  • 13 books to read instead of Religious Right: The Greatest Threat to Democracy | 2012-06-12
  • Big Sex, Little Death, Susie Bright’s memoir | 2012-06-19

    guest posts at In Our Words include:

    • To Be and To Have: Reflections on Getting Gay Married | 2012-07-10
    • Holding the Space: Thoughts on Being Queer Allies to Our Straight Co-Conspirators | 2012-08-01
    • We Can Give Them Words: Clearing Space for Our Children to Explore Gender | 2012-08-13

    at The Pursuit of Harpyness I contributed:

    • The link to a great post from the Guardian on the junk science of sexual attraction.
    • I wrote about the conservative study One Parent or Five, asking why the diversity of family forms generates so much anxiety (and in turn such poor scholarship!)
    • I posted thoughts from Jay Smooth on rapper Frank Ocean’s story about falling in love with a male friend.
    • I asked the Harpies where they go for their local coffee fix (and shared my own Boston faves).
    • A few things I would have written more about if time and energy had aligned.
    • A rant about Boston Sports Club advertising (read: fat-shaming).
    • Ten things I like about Hanna (in honor of our fast-approaching marriage).
    • And finally, three Tuesday Teasers (links lists):
      • #13: 2012-07-24
      • #12: 2012-07-10
      • #11: 2012-06-26

    and a few Tumblr-length thoughts over at the feminist librarian reads:

    • NOT back-to-school once again!
    • I’ve been reading all these FEELS about parenting and marriage lately…
    • instead of talking about [how] home-based births are “unsafe”…
    • reading books about wage-work care-giving and motherhood…
    Just today, I put up a farewell post at Harpyness; after nearly two years of blogging at what Hanna refers to as “the orange blog” I’ve decided it’s time to move on. In part, the break I took from blogging in the run-up to our marriage helped me see how over-extended I’ve become on the interwebs. I’d like to re-dedicate myself to this space (the feminist librarian) in the months to come, as well as focusing more systematically on longer-term writing projects. 
    In the immediate future, I’ll be sharing more stuff about our wedding and book reviews as I am able; my new responsibilities at work are making for a hectic season and I find that I get home in the evenings with less writing energy than usual. I don’t expect this to last, but please bear with me while it does — I love meeting you in this space, and promise I will be here in the years to come. 
    Incidentally, this is my 1000th post at annajcook.blogspot.com (which began life in 2007 as “The Future Feminist Librarian-Activist” in the spring before I embarked to graduate school in Boston. 

    booknotes: pray the gay away

    28 Tuesday Aug 2012

    Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in book reviews

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    gender and sexuality, in our words, politics, religion, sexual identity, sociology

    Between the winter of 1987 and the summer of 1988, Boston-based journalist Neil Miller traveled across the United States “in search of gay America.” Though he spoke to women and men in the “well-trodden … urban gay ghettos” of Washington, D.C., New York City (the “gay metropolis”), and San Francisco, his primary purpose was to document the experience of queer folks living in what coasters refer to as “flyover” states, the “red state” regions of the American South, Great Lakes, Midwest, and Plains states. As Miller writes:

    Acceptance and self-acceptance amidst the anonymity of cities like New York and Los Angeles and even Boston meant little, I was convinced. One had to travel beyond the large metropolitan areas on the two coasts to places where diversity was less acceptable, where it was harder to melt into the crowd … that was where the majority of gay people lived anyway, even if you didn’t read about them in the gay press or see them on the evening news (In Search of Gay America, 11).

    What Miller found in his travels was that queer people in the heartland were often less visible than their East and West coast counterparts; they kept their heads down and their mouths shut, maybe living in a community where everyone knew they were gay but no one openly acknowledged it. Many of Miller’s interviewees talked about the social isolation, particularly if they were un-partnered; in the pre-internet era single lesbians and gay men often had to travel regularly to urban centers to meet and socialize with others like themselves.

    In the two decades since Miller’s travels, much has changed in the world of LGBT visibility, culture, and activism — yet our collective understanding of queer culture remains focused on urban, coastal areas as gay-friendly, while the rest of the country is dismissed (especially by those who don’t live there) as a place where “diversity is less acceptable” and life is harder for queer men and women trying to make their way in the world.  Bernadette Barton’s new study, Pray the Gay Away: The Extraordinary Lives of Bible Belt Gays (New York University Press, October 2012) both confirms and complicates this narrative.

    A Massachusetts-born academic who moved with her partner to Kentucky, Barton was taken aback when a neighbor denounced homosexuality as a sin after Barton came out to him. Curious to understand how “Bible Belt gays” experienced this climate of casual anti-gay sentiment, she began interviewing gays and lesbians who grew up in what she terms the “Bible Belt panopticon,” the southern mid section of the nation in which tight-knit communities and strong evangelical, fundamentalist Christian culture come together to create and police conservative norms. When the normative culture is implicitly anti-gay, open bigotry is not needed to encourage self-policing. For example, Barton quotes an interviewee reacting to a church billboard proclaiming, “Get Right or Get Left”:

    Get right means to be saved and get left means to be left behind at the Resurrection, but this also conveys the dual message of the church’s political affiliation as well. It’s very polarizing, and when I read it, it sounds like a threat.

    Barton observes:

    This is an example of how antigay rhetoric, especially to a Bible Belt gay, doesn’t have to say anything at all about homosexuality. It’s the associations. A Bible Belt gay knows homosexuality isn’t included in the right column.

    Pray the Gay Away explores different ways in which this Bible Belt panopticon manifests, from family expectations to ex-gay ministries, gay-unfriendly workplaces and legislation to ban same-sex marriage. Throughout, the voices of Barton’s interviewees are powerful evidence in support of her thesis. One graduate student, for example, tells Barton about how his parents tried exorcism when they found out he was in a same-sex relationship. When he remained unrepentant they not only disowned him and cut all financial support, but also removed all of his belongings from his dorm room before they returned home. Through the support of his campus community, the student was able to remain in school — but the resilience of the child does nothing to redeem the horrific behavior of his parents.

    I grew up in West Michigan, an area that is — though technically outside the Bible Belt proper — incredibly religiously and politically conservative. Reading Barton’s work, I found much to identify with in its descriptions of life in a community that resists difference and where anti-gay feeling is commonplace. I was particularly struck by her observation that in such communities, “gay” and “straight” are the only two categories a person can belong to. Anyone who is something other than straight is “gay.” You’re either “right,” after all, or “left.” That observation made me wonder whether it took me so long to recognize my own sexual fluidity in part because I literally had no language with which to describe myself.

    Though I no longer have to live in a culture that makes it difficult (if not dangerous) to speak of my existence, I am mindful that what Barton terms the “toxic closet” effects everyone whom anti-gay bigotry touches, not just queer folk. My parents, for example, felt profoundly alienated when the city council rejected an anti-discrimination ordinance last year. And my grandmother is uncertain with whom she can safely share the joyful news of my marriage. The “Bible Belt panopticon” constrains us all.

    At times, Pray the Gay Away seems to paint the Bible Belt as a monolithic culture of hate. I was pleased to see how careful Barton is to point out that she “deliberately sought out individuals who grew up in homophobic families and churches to best explore their consequences,” and that her narrative describes the normative culture of the Bible Belt, rather than attempting to describe all people therein. (For a broader examination of queer folks’ relationships with their families of origin, see the excellent Not in This Family by Heather Murray.) Barton’s conversations with gay Christians and gay-friendly church leaders, as well as her nuanced exploration of ex-gay ministries help show that even situations which appear toxic at first glance often contain more complex realities.

    Yet ultimately, Barton argues that in the Bible Belt region “rampant expressions of institutional and generalized homophobic hate speech in the region bolster individually held homophobic attitudes and encourage those who have dissenting opinions to remain silent.” One lesbian student whom she interviews theorizes that it might even be accurate to identify these anti-gay attitudes and actions as “gay cultural genocide.”

    I highly recommend Pray the Gay Away to anyone with an interest in contemporary queer experience, in Bible Belt Christianity, and the intersection of the two. I’d go so far as to say it’s required reading for anyone who cares about what it means to be gay in America today. Whether or not you’ve ever lived in the “toxic closet” yourself, too many of our fellow citizens still wake up there every morning. We owe it to them to listen to the stories they have so generously shared.

    Cross-posted at In Our Words.

    blogging at In Our Words: we can give them words: clearing space for children to explore gender and sexuality

    14 Tuesday Aug 2012

    Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in think pieces

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    blogging, children, gender and sexuality, guest post, in our words

    I wrote another post for In Our Words this week on how parents (and allies) can support children in their gender independence and sexual fluidity (I’m not sure why the editors lopped “sexuality” off the title I supplied).

    To begin with, don’t conflate gender expression with sexual preference. Our culture does this constantly, whether in the assumption that princess boys will grow up to be gay or that women who are butch sleep exclusively with lipstick lesbians. Some of those boys will no doubt grow up with same-sex desires, and some women who refuse to wear skirts are queer. One does not lead to the other. While grown-up queers often retroactively identify nascent gayness in childhood gender rebellion (“I was never good at sports”; “I hated playing with dolls”) and the gender police often conflate gender non-conformity with queer sexuality, they’re two different aspects of identity and experience. Children negotiate gender roles from the moment of birth, when they’re assigned a gender and adults interact with them accordingly (see Fine and Rivers & Barnett in the reading list below).

    Children are also sexual beings, it’s true, but sexuality in the adult sense is something we grow into. It’s a process. And presuming adult sexual preferences for a child — whether it’s teasing them about a playground “boyfriend” or assuming their gender non-conformity will lead to same-sex desire — is unfairly boxing them into predetermined categories. We cannot know what the gender and sexuality landscape will look like as they grow into adulthood, and we cannot know what words they will choose to describe themselves. All we can do is give them a multitude of words from which to choose.

    You can check out the whole piece — including my “suggested reading” list (I’m a librarian after all!) over at In Our Words.

    blogging at In Our Words: holding the space: being good allies for our straight co-conspirators

    01 Wednesday Aug 2012

    Posted by Anna Clutterbuck-Cook in think pieces

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    gender and sexuality, guest post, in our words, politics, the personal is political

    these folks desperately need allies (via)

    I’m blogging at In Our Words again this week, with a post on how queer folks can be good allies for straight folks. This was a piece pitched by the blog editors that I thought was an interesting concept, and once I started thinking about it I realized I had some notions (I know, right?!) about how we might go about that. I ended up with one concept, five specific tips, and a word of caution. Here’s one of the tips:

    While remembering fluidity is possible, it’s equally important to honor a person’s present self-identification. After all, we expect straight people to respect ours. Regardless of a person’s past relationship history or how they may identify in the future, it’s a basic tenet of respect to accept their self-understanding in the here and now. I’m as guilty as the next queer person when it comes to speculating who might be “on our team,” but too often attempts to uncover queer sexuality in straight-identified folks fall back on harmful stereotypes of sexuality and gender that reinforce, rather than subvert, heteronormativity (e.g. “he’s a ballet dancer, how can he expect us to think he’s straight?” or “that haircut is totally dykey”;  wink wink, nudge nudge). We need to trust straight people, as much as we trust queer people, to name their own desires as best they can.

    Check out the rest at In Our Words.

    If you’re a straight reader, I’d love to hear what you think queer folks can do to support your own resistance to heteronormative bullshit. And if you’re queer, I’d love to hear how you support your straight family and friends.

    Share in comments, here or at IOW.

    "the past is a wild party; check your preconceptions at the door." ~ Emma Donoghue

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    This work by Anna J. Clutterbuck-Cook is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License

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